You have probably heard the word “gaslighting” before, maybe in a movie, but do you know what it really means? Have you been in a romantic relationship where you usually questioned your feelings, instincts, sense of reality, or sanity?
For instance, let’s say that you find a personal email your spouse wrote to a colleague, and you think it is inappropriate or hurtful. However, when you approach your spouse about it, they insist you misinterpreted the email or that you are overreacting.
Your instincts or gut feeling are telling you otherwise, but you might second guess yourself enough to succumb and go along with the story or version your spouse is telling you. This is a classic gaslighting example in marriage or a romantic relationship.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse where the perpetrator manipulates or deceives the victim into questioning their own feelings, thoughts, and perceptions. The perpetrator intends to isolate, frighten, or control another person.
Gaslighting in a relationship is a manipulative and abusive tactic used to shift the power dynamic in a relationship so that one individual has complete control over the other.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a type of sustained psychological and emotional manipulation that causes a person to question or doubt their judgment, sanity, and memories. If you are being gaslighted, you may dispute your own accounts and versions of your experiences.
This can cause a growing sense of isolation and self-doubt. At its core, gaslighting is emotional abuse. Your partner or spouse may use it to exert power over you or inflict emotional damage on you, and this can lead to depression and anxiety in the long run.
Although it is true that some emotional abuse is perpetrated to cause harm to other people, those who gaslight others really may not even be aware that they are being manipulative and abusive. A person may unintentionally gaslight somebody for many reasons.
Types of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is common and can take many forms, but to help people understand the idea, some professionals describe gaslighting in some key areas.
Outright Lies
The main purpose of lying is to hide bad behaviors from a spouse or partner. However, these lies sow deep feelings of doubt and mistrust in the relationship.
Coercion
Coercion is a wide spectrum of behavioral patterns, ranging from convincing a person by using charm or seeming to be extremely caring.
In many cases, the gaslighter uses something valuable or close to your heart as ammunition. However, at this end of this coercion spectrum, other types of abuse can also creep in.
Signs of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can be difficult and tricky to recognize because it happens gradually. Here are some common signs of gaslighting to watch out for:
- Your spouse or partner denies or dismisses your feelings. When you try to express how you feel, the gaslighter might tell you that you are overreacting or being too sensitive.
- Your partner may regularly remind you of your weaknesses and flaws.
- Your partner may tell you that your memory is hazy. Gaslighters will often try to convince you that you don’t remember things correctly and say things like, “That never happened.”
- Gaslighters will usually twist the truth to make themselves look good or to make you second-guess your own perceptions.
Examples of Gaslighting in Relationships
Making Fun of or Minimizing Feelings
Abusers will likely call their loved ones or spouse overly sensitive, dramatic, or critical. Also, they usually get annoyed or make fun of their partners when they display emotions.
So, the emotionally manipulated spouse often feels ashamed and might try to withhold their emotions and feelings altogether.
Accusations of Paranoia
A common tactic gaslighters use is accusing their victim of paranoia. Note that this usually happens when a romantic partner is cheating. In these cases, gaslighters usually deflect the problem onto their partner or spouse rather than taking responsibility for their inappropriate behavior.
Recovering from Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a serious and insidious kind of abuse. It is all about entitlement and attempting to control another individual. The good news is that full recovery from gaslighting is certainly possible. However, it requires self-compassion, time, self-care, and patience.
Here are some steps you can take to respond to gaslighting:
Recognize the Gaslighting
The first and most important step in responding to gaslighting is recognizing it is happening. You should keep a record of incidents where the gaslighting occurs and try to remain objective and rational about what is happening.
Name the Behavior
After recognizing the gaslighting, you should name the behavior. You can use statements like, “I feel like you are trying to manipulate me.”
Document It
You should keep a record of any gaslighting incidents, including the time, date, and what was said. This can be valuable if you decide to take legal action or get support from a mental healthcare professional.
When to Seek Help from a Therapist
You should seek professional help if you feel like you are being gaslighted. Gaslighting is harmful and can have a significant impact on your mental health and well-being, and a mental healthcare professional, such as a counselor, can provide support and guidance.
Consider seeking professional help if you experience any of the following:
- You feel like you’re losing touch with reality
- You are experiencing depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues
- You feel isolated and alone
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting is a kind of emotional abuse that can happen to anybody, particularly in romantic relationships. Remember that you don’t have to go through this life transition alone.
If you notice any signs of gaslighting in your relationship, you should take them seriously and consult a professional. Our team at Clear Mind Therapy will help you. For more information or to make an appointment with a therapist, call or text us us at (720) 515-3551.